Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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