I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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