Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
