She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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