sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
In other news, I just burned my penis
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
