the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
