batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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