just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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