he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you would pick up someone in the library
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
