I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
