i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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