Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
