I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
