I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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