I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
