Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
