Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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