No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
