State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
