My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
