Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
