Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
