Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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