The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
