I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
