I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
