Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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