I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
