This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
