so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she told me i tasted like america
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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