I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
