You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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