things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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