well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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