You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
