how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
