I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
