my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
