WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
