i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
