Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
