My friends, they love my intelligence
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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