walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
