I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
