Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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