Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
