I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
