Moan for me like Helen Keller
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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