There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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