how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
