He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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