Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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