What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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